Dr. L. Norpchen
Dr. Norpchen holds a doctorate from MIT in both Physics and Astronomy. Failing to see any decent money in a career in either Physics or Astronomy, he became a computer programmer. As a visiting speaker at Oxford, he is well known for his "World's Greatest Error Messages" lecture series. He was awarded the prestigious Pong Fellowship in 1982.
In his spare time, Dr. Norpchen enjoys a wide variety of sweetened breakfast cereals.
Dr. J. Sparks
A graduate of Stanford University's notable "Dissect Tippy" correspondence program, Dr. Sparks holds degrees in both Biology and Anthropology, and has worked for many years studying the brain structure and television-watching habits of Sea Monkeys. In 1989, she received a National Science Foundation award for her groundbreaking research and subsequent book on cell division entitled "To Halve and Halve Not". Dr. Sparks once dated Carl Sagan briefly, but admits to being frightened off by his penchance for "groovy" turtlenecks. She did, however, enjoy his television series "Cosmos", except for the weird parts when he's in that spaceship with the funky crystals -- what the hell was that all about, anyway?
Oddly enough, Dr. Sparks intensely dislikes monkeys.