Who Is This Peg? (And for that matter, How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? Why Do Fools Fall In Love? How High The Moon?) I know, I know. The question has been hanging over your head like Spanish moss since the last issue... Well, Peg's my mother. She regularly tells me wise, caring and supportive things like: (and I quote...)

• "Why do you need to take your cat to San Francisco with you? Why don't you just take it to the pound and let it die?"
• (About one of my friends) "Are you sure his family isn't swimming in the shallow end of the gene pool?
• "Why don't you get your hair cut? You look like a welfare mother."

Here's a audio clip of Peg at her best...NOTE: this clip hails from about 1976. The setup? She was reprimanding my sister Valerie, who apparently was committing the ungodly offense of walking around with her Garanimal bottoms at half-mast...)

["Valerie..."]

Check out the "Esteem-O-Meter" below for my monthly "withering parental strike-to-self esteem" ratio...IN THE NEXT ISSUE: You, The People get a once-in-a-lifetime chance to vote on whether or not I should listen to The Word Of Peg and get my hair cut. Smoky mokes! Betcha can't wait...



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